Tape the pieces back together to form a shield again. Family History Have a family history night. As a family, talk about your heritage, perhaps sharing stories, traditions, or heirlooms. If any family members are away serving missions or live far away, you may want to make another copy to mail them. Set a goal with your family to read the scriptures together every day. Talk about when and where your family scripture reading will be done. If your family already reads the scriptures together every day, talk about how you can make your scripture study more meaningful.
How does the boy in the story show love for his father? Examples of good fathers are found in the scriptures. To honor your dad or a man you admire a grandfather, bishop, neighbor, etc. Look up the scriptures and answer the questions listed. After all of the questions have been answered, ask family members to think of other questions that could be asked about the picture.
Tell the story of the First Vision and share your testimony about what Joseph saw. Play follow-the-leader, first with the lights off and then with the lights on. Is it easier to follow the leader when the lights are on or off? What things can you do to better follow Jesus Christ? Role-play different situations where you might need to choose the right. End by sharing the experiences of Elder Christoffel Golden Jr. Ask each family member to think about someone to forgive and write the name on a helium balloon or on a paper that you can fold into an airplane.
Ask family members to say a prayer in their heart for forgiveness and for help to forgive someone who has hurt their feelings, and then let the balloon go or fly the paper airplane. What did each of the children in these stories learn about forgiveness? Can you think of a time you forgave someone?
How did you feel? Commit to follow the example of these children and be forgiving. Have every family member cut out a paper angel. Just as Anna did, write down something that you can give Jesus. Hang it on the tree to remember what you said you would give, and try your best to do that thing every day. President Monson explains that each of us knows where we want to go. Discuss where you wish to go in the future for example, on a mission, to the temple, etc.
Set goals to follow the path that will take you there. Discuss the importance of setting goals.
Think of a goal you want to achieve as a family. What can you do to reach your goal? Russell Ballard January Liahona and Friend. Pass out crayons and paper and let each family member write one thing for which he or she is thankful in a corner of the paper. Then encourage everyone to try to draw what they named with a blindfold on. Remove the blindfolds to see how everybody did.
Flip the paper over and draw the picture again, this time without the blindfold. Have each family member draw two or three pictures of what makes his or her heart happy.
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Take turns showing and explaining your pictures. Happiness through Smiles Smiling helps us feel happy. It helps others feel happy too. Smiling is one of the easiest ways we can serve others. Have each person in your family draw a smiling face on a piece of paper. Put the face near the mirror you look in most often. There are many ways to smile.
Look in the mirror and try smiling with only your eyes, then try smiling with your lips closed. Smile with your teeth showing, and then with your mouth open. Keep the picture by the mirror all week as a reminder to smile. Happy Hearts Club Cut out special cards and check off the boxes around the border as you serve each other. Complete the activity as a family. What things can you do better to make your home a happy place?
Draw your house and map out areas where you do things to invite the Spirit. Have you ever followed a prompting from the Holy Ghost before you knew the reasons? What were the consequences? Decide, like Derek, to quickly obey whenever such promptings come. Afterward, make apple grins or apple fries. The Church often sends humanitarian aid to communities hit by disasters. To see how your family can serve, go to ChurchofJesusChrist. Grant — understood the importance of good music. Have each family member choose a favorite hymn to sing and, if possible, take turns practicing leading the music see the back of the hymnbook to learn the beat patterns.
Follow the instructions to make a crown for each family member. Talk about what it means to be a child of God. Read together the proclamation on the family for ideas. Then set a goal as a family to work on one thing that will help you reach this ideal. Then read Ether and talk about how you and your family members can improve a talent or strengthen a weakness. Discuss the Internet safety tips with your parents or family. We can welcome the Savior into our lives by following His example.
Have each family member write down ways they have tried to be like Jesus or things they will do to become more like Him. Jesus Christ, Our Bridge Builder November Friend Ask family members to think about how they would feel if they needed to get across a river but had no bridge to cross. Talk about the importance of the bridges Christ has prepared to allow us to return to Heavenly Father. Includes a short lesson. Elder Robert D. Hales gives some ideas December Friend. Journals Why is it important to keep a personal journal?
Have each member of your family decorate his or her own journal jar and fill it with ideas of things to write about. Try to write about one idea from your journal jar every day for a week. Why does the Christmas season seem to make people feel so happy? Why does this message bring the greatest joy of all? Keeping the Sabbath Day Holy The Sabbath is a day to rest from doing worldly things and instead do heavenly things. Read or tell the story in Matthew What kinds of things did Jesus Christ do on the Sabbath? Plan at least two activities that you can do next Sunday. Talk about the choice Ethan made to keep the Sabbath day holy.
As a family, create a list of activities that are appropriate to do on Sunday. Labels After reading President Thomas S. Remind family members that the way Heavenly Father sees us is more important than how the world sees us. What stories in the scriptures remind you of something that has happened to you? Fold a piece of paper in half. On one side, draw the scripture story. On the other half, draw the incident from your own life. Talk about each picture. How did the person in the scriptures behave? How did you follow his or her example or how could you in the future? Listening to Good Music Start by naming some of your favorite songs and types of music.
What do you like about music? If family members play musical instruments, they may wish to prepare a musical number in advance. Notice the spirit that good music brings! Listening to the Holy Ghost Sing a loud song, clapping your hands and stomping your feet. Then sing a quiet Primary song and discuss how you feel afterward. Listening to the Holy Ghost Before the lesson, allow a small amount of clay or play dough to harden.
Give a family member some fresh clay. Pick a shape or object for him or her to mold the clay into. Next, give someone the hardened clay and ask him or her to mold it into the same shape. Pray to strengthen your own testimonies of the prophet, and plan to listen to general conference or read the talks as a family. How do you treat people who might seem different? Talk about how just as we prepare ourselves for physical dangers, we prepare ourselves spiritually by living the commandments and following the guidance of the Holy Ghost. Miracles What is a miracle? Discuss examples from the scriptures, your family history, or your life.
What dangers and challenges exist in the world you face? Think of this story the next time you are confronted with a bad situation. Remember that the Lord hears prayers and can help you anytime, anywhere. Find out how he has saved. Talk with your family about other ways members of your family can prepare to serve full-time missions. Stop and ask your family members how they think the story will end. Then read the end. Discuss how choosing the right can be difficult, and testify that the Lord blesses those who make righteous decisions.
Make sure your clothes remain modest as you move around. Make a list of other names in the scriptures that refer to Jesus Christ.
Choose a few from your list and talk about their special meaning. Why do we need physical bodies? What will happen to them in the Resurrection? Then invite each person in your family to take a turn calling out a different body part. Following the pattern in the poem, let everyone else name something you can do with that body part. What kinds of fears do you have? No matter what they are, you can find comfort in the Savior. Read Elder Joseph B. As a family, memorize the last three sentences by chanting them together. Repeat these words to yourself whenever you feel afraid.
Think of a time someone was patient with you and share it. Then think of ways you can make someone else happy by being patient. Draw a picture of a butterfly and display it where you will see it throughout the week, reminding you to be kind. Talk about what you can do when your friends make bad choices. We may not face the trials that Peter overcame, but we can follow his example of faith. Use a box to represent a handcart and have family members fill it with objects symbolizing things of spiritual value—scriptures, a journal, a compass.
Describe what each of these things means to you and how it will help you through trials during your mortal journey. We can be happy as we sing, dance, and pray too. Take turns making your own words and actions. Talk about how good music and praying to Heavenly Father show Him we are thankful and help us to be happy. Tell the story in your own words, turning on a flashlight at the appropriate time. Discuss how prayer can bring more light into our lives. Prayer Before family home evening, bake a cake, a pan of brownies, or another treat that must be divided to be eaten.
Invite a family member to eat the treat, but explain that it must be eaten in one bite. Why does the Lord sometimes answer our prayers piece by piece? Why is it sometimes better to receive things in portions? Encourage family members to devote a day to prayer by always having a prayer in their hearts see Alma , or perhaps visit somewhere special—like the mountains, the forest, or the beach—to give each person time for personal prayer.
What would you take if you were in a similar situation? Make sure that your family has prepared supplies in case of an emergency. If not, make goals on how to acquire vital items. Show everyone where these items can be found. Make a list of what you would not want to leave without, and make sure you can find those things quickly. Draw a circle around the pictures of activities that you are already doing to prepare for a mission. Then choose one activity you would like to start doing. For your next family home evening lesson, plan to do this activity.
You might decorate a box to use as a savings bank for your mission, invite someone from your family or ward to teach you a few phrases in another language, or have a parent show you how to iron. Can you think of other skills that would be useful? Make a list of things you can do to prepare for a mission. Role-play a few missionary situations. Prophet Name some signs you see frequently. What do they instruct you to do? It was not a sustainable workload.
He has since implemented a policy that no actor may play more than five roles at a time. One of the hazards of the job is client dependency. Ishii says that between thirty and forty per cent of the women in ongoing relationships with rental husbands eventually propose marriage. The most difficult dependency situations involve single mothers. In such cases, his first step is to reduce the frequency of meetings to once every three months. This approach works with some people, but others insist on more frequent meetings. Occasionally, relationships have to be terminated.
They had attended weddings, spiritual seminars, job fairs, standup-comedy contests, and the album releases of teen idols. The same actress had also replaced overweight mothers at school events; the children of overweight parents may be subject to bullying. Ichinokawa and Ishii told me many more stories. A hostess in a cabaret club hired a client to request her. A blind woman rented a seeing friend to identify the good-looking men at a singles dance. A pregnant woman rented a mother to persuade her boyfriend to acknowledge their child, and a young man rented a father to conciliate the parents of his pregnant lover.
Ishii says that, two or three times a year, he stages entire fake weddings. The cost is around five million yen around forty-seven thousand dollars. In some cases, the bride invites real co-workers, friends, and family members. In others, everyone is an actor except the bride and her parents.
The rental best man gives a speech, often bringing the rental guests to tears. When Ishii plays the groom, he experiences complicated emotions. A fake wedding, he says, is just as much work to organize as a real one, and he and the client plan together for months. Instead, delegating his responsibilities to subordinates, he played golf and visited hostess clubs on the company tab. Taishi, impressed by this level of self-knowledge and reluctant to shout at a company president fifteen years his senior, suggested that the client simply join the workers for a meeting or a drink, and stop charging personal expenses to the company.
In response, the man launched into a diatribe about the correct distance between a president and the workers, explaining that any variation would intimidate the staff. He refused to go to even one meeting to see whether or not anyone was intimidated. As they talked in circles, Taishi found himself growing irritated.
Rental apologies, the obverse of rental scoldings, can be particularly thorny. Ishii outlined some possible scenarios. If you make a mistake at work, and a disgruntled client or customer demands to see your supervisor, you can hire Ishii to impersonate the supervisor.
Ishii, identifying himself as a department head, will then apologize. Ishii grovels and trembles on the floor while being yelled at, as the real culprit looks on. Ishii says that these scenes give one a surreal, dreamlike, unpleasant feeling. More stressful still are apologies involving affairs. The idea seems to be to defuse potential violence through a combination of surprise, fear, and flattery.
In the past nine years, he has performed five hundred and thirty ceremonies. For the four-hundredth ceremony, a husband, dressed as a human-size wedding bouquet, was attached to a bungee cord and pushed off a cliff by his soon-to-be ex-wife. Fifteen couples have got back together after the slide show. On occasion, women who are embarrassed about their divorces have hired rental relatives to attend.
Terai cried, and felt that a burden had been lifted. Today, there are some forty organizations holding rui-katsu workshops in Japan, most of them unaffiliated with Terai. In addition to ninety-minute corporate sessions, Terai makes a yearly trip to Iwaki, a city in Fukushima Prefecture, to run a rui-katsu session with earthquake survivors.
Terai, now thirty-seven, says that attitudes toward men crying have changed since his childhood. As an experiment, he asked younger women what they would think of a man who cried. All of them said that they would think he was sensitive and kind—provided that he was also good-looking. Having also heard from some female rui-katsu participants that the service would be improved if a handsome man wiped away their tears, Terai felt professionally obliged to start dispatching handsome men to help people cry. My translator, Chie, expressed surprise when I declined to book an eight-thousand-yen private room for my weeping session; I assured her that, though the swordsman was a novelty, it would be neither my first nor, in all likelihood, my last time crying in public.
The swordsman, a willowy youth with chiselled features and an expression of great sensitivity, wore a garment made by a designer specializing in modernistic reinterpretations of traditional Japanese dress. I waited in dread for the father to turn out to have cancer. Suddenly, the video was over. Nothing bad had happened. Chie, too, was crying. All the same, Terai wanted to take pictures of the swordsman drying my tears. I looked at the floor and the swordsman leaned toward me with the handkerchief. He told me about his audition for the weeping service, which had been recorded by a news program.
But he had given the swordsman another chance. My next appointment, with Family Romance, was two hours with a rental mother, in the shopping district of Shibuya. I had been anxious about it even before I got to Japan. It struck me as unfair that I was not only going to Japan without her but also plotting to rent a replacement.
One afternoon in Tokyo, on a commuter train, Chie helped me fill out the order form. I found myself telling her about the day when I was three or four and my mother, a young doctor, who worked long hours, came home early and took me out to buy a doll stroller.
This unhoped-for happiness was somehow intensified by the unnecessariness, the surplus value, of the doll stroller. For a happy day, though I remember at a later date asking my mother why mentioning it always felt somehow sad. I was worried that she would tell me not to be morbid, not to find ways to be sad about things that were happy. She stood as I approached. She returned my embrace, a shade distantly. Having booked her for two hours, I suggested that we might do both.
I agreed. All of a sudden, her expression softened. I felt a mild jolt of emotion. How do you cope with all the pressure? I found myself telling the rental mother about the meditation app on my phone, and asking if she liked to meditate. I started to interview her. After completing her education, she joined the corporate workforce, climbing to the upper levels of various international companies, before leaving her last position, two years ago. Airi registered with Family Romance shortly afterward, and now gets a couple of assignments every month.
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My mother had also overcome many professional barriers to reach a high level in her field, in a country different from the one she grew up in. She, too, had left her work recently. We talked about the article I was interviewing her for. When she offered to show me around the department store even though our time was up, I found myself saying yes. A product, in part, of Confucian principles, the ie was rigidly hierarchical. The head controlled all the property, and chose one member of the younger generation to succeed him—usually the eldest son, though sometimes a son-in-law or even an adopted son.
Continuity of the house was more important than blood kinship. The other members could either stay in the ie , marry into a new one daughters , or start subsidiary branches sons. Nationalist ideology of the Meiji era represented Japan as one big family, with the emperor as the head of the main house and every other household as a subsidiary branch. With postwar economic growth and the rise of corporate culture, ie households became less common, while apartment-dwelling nuclear households—consisting of a salaryman, a housewife, and their children—proliferated.
During the economic boom of the eighties, women increasingly worked outside the home. The birth rate went down, while the divorce rate and the number of single-person households went up. So did life expectancy, and the proportion of older people. Their real son lived with them, but refused to listen to the stories. The price of a three-hour visit from a rental son and daughter-in-law, in possession of both an infant child and a high tolerance for unhappy stories, was eleven hundred dollars.
The idea of rental relatives took root in the public imagination. Postmodernism was in the air, and, in an age of cultural relativism, rental relativism fit right in. After she is murdered, two copies of her will are found—one favoring the son, the other the rental relatives—dramatizing the tension between received pieties about filial love and the economic relations that bind parents and children.
Since then, rental relatives have inspired a substantial literary corpus. In Tokyo, I met with the critic Takayuki Tatsumi, who, in the nineties, wrote a survey of the genre. Replacement or rental relatives continue to feature in literature and film, and appeared in three recent Japanese movies I saw on airplanes.
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Both the euphoria and the dread may have their origin in the deregulation of the Japanese labor market in the nineties, and in the attendant erosion of the postwar salaryman life style. Thirty-eight per cent of the workforce is now made up of nonregular workers. In , single-person households began to outnumber nuclear families.
Meanwhile, the ranks of the elderly are growing. Tatsumi showed me part of a movie in which an older woman deliberately lets a young con man scam her, because he reminds her of her dead son. The movie is set partly in a cardboard village for elderly homeless people, which really existed in Tokyo.
Like many aspects of Japanese society, rental relatives are often explained with reference to the binary of honne and tatemae , or genuine individual feelings and societal expectations. A case in point: the man who hired fake parents for his wedding because his real ones were dead eventually told his wife. It went fine.
She said that she understood that his goal was not to deceive her but to avoid trouble at their wedding. She even thanked him for being so considerate. Still, although it goes without saying that many aspects of the Japanese rental-relative business must be specific to Japan, it is also the case that people throughout human history have been paying strangers to fill roles that their kinsfolk performed for free.
Hired mourners existed in ancient Greece, Rome, and China, in the Judeo-Christian tradition, and in the early Islamic world; they were denounced by Solon, by St. Paul, and by St. John Chrysostom. And what are babysitters, nurses, and cooks if not rental relatives, filling some of the roles traditionally performed by mothers, daughters, and wives?
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In preindustrial times, the basic economic unit was the family, and each new child meant another pair of hands. After industrialization, people started working outside the home for a fixed wage, and each new child meant another mouth to feed. The family became an unconditionally loving sanctuary in a market-governed world. Some housewives have spent tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars on their hosts, working extra jobs, economizing on groceries, or extorting their husbands. In a sense, the idea of a rental partner, parent, or child is perhaps less strange than the idea that childcare and housework should be seen as the manifestations of an unpurchasable romantic love.
Patriarchal capitalism has arguably had a vested interest in promoting the latter idea as a human universal: as the Marxist psychoanalyst Wilhelm Reich pointed out, with women providing free housework and caregiving, capitalists could pay men less. There were other iniquities, too.
What often happens instead is that these tasks, rather than becoming respected, well-paid professions, are foisted piecemeal onto socioeconomically disadvantaged women, freeing their more privileged peers to pursue careers. Nine years ago, Reiko, a dental hygienist in her early thirties, contacted Family Romance to rent a part-time father for her ten-year-old daughter, Mana, who, like many children of single mothers in Japan, was experiencing bullying at school. Reiko was presented with four candidates and chose the one with the kindest voice.